Many of you know that I am not a religious person but I am spiritual and I do believe in a higher power directing my life. This belief has been strengthened by the events of the past few months.

On the long weekend in September I spent many hours searching for NGO teaching jobs in Malawi. I was bored here in Toronto and I wanted to return to the place where I feel alive.

My search revealed a posting for a “principle” at an international school. I figured that the misspelling of the word principal meant I could shine in such a school. I wrote to the unknown person to enquire about possible teaching jobs. I also sent emails to a few other international schools with websites.

Several weeks passed, I was back in my routine of teaching grade one at a middle class school in downtown Toronto. I’d forgotten about writing to these Malawian schools until I received an email from a woman identifying herself as the director of an international school in Lilongwe. She informed me that she was looking for a “standard one and drama teacher.” I was shocked. I have a specialist in drama and I’ve been teaching grade one for three years.

I immediately sent a resume and cover letter. The reality of the situation started to show itself and I became afraid of what was about to happen. I looked at the school on the internet and saw that it is quite modern and attractive. Again I got excited and afraid. I decided to let the powers that be do their work.

I had a telephone interview the first week of October. I had expected there would be something about the job offer that would turn me off completely. I expected the salary would be very low or the children wouldn’t speak English. After the interview I realized that the job sounded perfect for me. The director agreed to let me know within a week if I was chosen as the successful candidate so that I’d have enough time to apply for a leave of absence from the TDSB.

The conditions of the job were so promising that I immediately called friends in Malawi to inform them that I would be coming. The salary is enough for a comfortable life. The class has 26 students and a full time assistant. The school pays for a house for me and for any medical expenses I may incur.

I was growing very afraid. I worried about being lonely in Malawi. I worried about the new curriculum. I worried about the hot, rainy weather. I worried about the muddy roads. I worried about the lack of internet and TV. I worried about the food. I worried about everything. I became so worried that I wasn’t sleeping properly. I thought of this situation constantly even though the board had not yet approved my leave.

Finally, I couldn’t take the stress of trying to decide. I sat in the dark talking to myself and listing pros and cons. I went to bed with the decision that I would stay in Canada. I decided the financial hardship of going was not worth the learning experience. I had a good night’s sleep. The next morning I started to laugh at myself. My parents had told me that they had chuckled over my prudent decision. I realized finally, that if I didn’t go I’d live to regret it. If I went to Malawi I might be lonely, bored, sick and scared but I would never regret going.

I made the decision to go. Two days later I got the news that my leave was approved. My reaction was smiles and laughter.

This was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. You know I like security and consistency. I am not always very courageous or adventurous. I am practical and careful. This decision is the right one but at times I felt as if I was bullying myself into going.

I know it will be a difficult time. I will miss my home, my family and friends, my awesome grade ones and the comforts of a good school in a world-class city. I know life will be hard. I know I will learn a lot and I will definitely become a better teacher. This is the best PD I could ever sing up for. It is also likely the best weight loss program I could ask for.

So, at the end of December I will head back to Malawi. I will visit the orphans often. I will send photos and email and I ask you all to write to me. I will definitely need contact.

Wish me luck!

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